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Do we really get married ?

13 Aug

 

 

Most of us, at one time or another in our life, take a decision to get married.

As per normal thinking, we take this decision because we have to.

Whether it is arranged or love marriage, we accept our partner and the acceptance is 50 to 95 %. We leave this 5 to 50 % margin, for any eventuality in the future  – just by way of a working arrangement. We enter the institution of marriage leaving the door slightly open – just in case we need to escape.

In case of other family members ( father, mother, sister, brother….), this margin is not kept. Acceptance is full 100 %.

 

Do we indulge in “a marriage of convenience” ?

Are we guilty of holding back ?

Do we really get married ?

 

Waiting for your valuable feedback / opinion / replies… !!

 

 

 

 

Yours truly,

‘religiously’ religion-less and ‘religion-less-ly’ religious !!

SN

 

 

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31 Comments

Posted by on August 13, 2016 in Humor

 

31 responses to “Do we really get married ?

  1. Sabiscuit

    August 13, 2016 at 4:09 am

    As a non married person I can only comment from the other side of the fence. It seems that if aspirations do not match the reality, many couples choose not to adjust. Many hang on to an ideal used version of themselves that doesn’t exist. This might be where the lack of acceptance starts.

     
    • surindernath

      August 13, 2016 at 4:18 am

      Thanks.
      Very well said !!

      “It seems that if aspirations do not match the reality, many couples choose not to adjust”.

      “Choose” because there is a provision of “choice” because of that “open Door” ?

       
      • Sabiscuit

        August 13, 2016 at 5:31 am

        That’s so true. We might find it easier to commit all the way if we make the choice to allow the realities to sit well with us.

         
      • surindernath

        August 13, 2016 at 5:40 am

        Very wisely said !!
        Thanks !!

         
  2. Anne J

    August 13, 2016 at 8:29 am

    Personally, I do as you’ve written. I’ve been married twice. I don’t think I was the same person the first time around. I had thought it would be until death but the problem was the question in my head, fuelled by my friends’ opinions, if the husband was the best there was for me. We eventually got divorced.. we were extremely young, too. I was still hurt and whether it was modern thinking or feminism or survival of the fittest, I remember reading about an advice to keep 10% for myself so that if things go wrong, there was a bit I could start over from, which would make the recovery from heartache easier. The truth is that relationships fail. So, what do we do?

     
    • surindernath

      August 13, 2016 at 8:43 am

      Well, the way I see it :

      We can not marry our own selves. So, it has to be some one else.
      People ( including me ) are onions. Start removing the layers
      and be ready for a shock. The magic is in “My Onion”. The door
      is closed when the choice is closed.

       
      • Anne J

        August 13, 2016 at 9:48 am

        I have to process this in my head.. 😆 Thank you. 😊

         
  3. swabby429

    August 13, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    As an American LGBT person, I never seriously considered the actuality of authentic marriage until last year, when our Supreme Court legalized marriage equality. I’ve seen traditional marriages in various cultures and how many succeed and how some fail. I see marriage as a commitment to another person and the resulting parternship. When it works well, marriage goes beyond the legal definitions and boundaries. It goes beyond the romance depicted in Hollywood or Bollywood movies. It’s solid, gritty, hard work, and worth it.

    It’s best to have many heart to heart talks with one’s partner before entering into this social and psychic contract. I’m having those conversations.

     
    • surindernath

      August 13, 2016 at 12:45 pm

      Thanks for your great and helpful comment & feed back !!

       
  4. The Other side of Counting to Ten

    August 13, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    I believe in love and marriage….
    I am getting married this afternoon.
    It is a mature marriage. We have both been married before (we are in our 50’s). Both of us agree that our previous relationships didn’t succeed because one of the partners stopped trying. I think that’s the 5-50% you refer to. My new love and I above all have promised (and we will do this in front of friends and family today) to WORK at our relationship. Not that have to, but because we want to.

     
    • surindernath

      August 13, 2016 at 1:24 pm

      Oh my God. Just a few hours left for the magic moment !!

      Wish you a great love -full, satisfying, prosperous, blissful, everlasting….. happy marriage !!

      Don’t forget to close that door behind you ( ha…ha.. ) !!

      Amen !!

       
  5. Shivangi

    August 13, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    Very relevant topic…the imagery of open door is striking. Excellent post, Sir! In India, especially in middle class family, women are taught to keep the door closed after marriage and accept husband and in laws whole heartedly. It makes marriage work but sometimes couples make it work despite being unhappy.

     
    • Shivangi

      August 13, 2016 at 1:48 pm

      I meant ‘accept’ husband and in laws family whole heartedly’*.

       
    • surindernath

      August 13, 2016 at 1:53 pm

      Thanks Madam. Yes closing the door makes all the difference !!

      You have really added value to the post. Thanks once again, Madam !!

       
  6. IreneDesign2011

    August 14, 2016 at 6:54 am

    I don’t believe in marriage and have never wished anyone to own me by a paper or wished to have paper at anyone.
    I believe in freedom to choose, who to be together with and leave, when that relationship is no longer serving anything good.

     
  7. Adi C.

    August 14, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    Hey there! Married for 19 years, every year was better than the previous year.. Our acceptance of each other was 100% from the start, and we began our life together with a clear principle that we applied whenever things got tough: “Divorce is not an option”. This kept us away from the tendency to run away instead of fighting for our marriage. My 2 cents…
    Adi C.

     
    • surindernath

      August 14, 2016 at 1:43 pm

      So happy to know that. My feed back is also the same. Only difference being the years – 31 ( instead of your 19 ).

      Thanks !!

       
      • Jdub

        August 19, 2016 at 4:17 pm

        Same sentiments from me. Will be 32 married years next month.

         
      • surindernath

        August 19, 2016 at 4:23 pm

        Thanks, congratulations and good wishes for many many more years !!

         
  8. Cradle of Joy

    August 15, 2016 at 5:45 am

    Hi! Again a new perspective regarding marriage. Married for 22 years and from my point of view women are not so free to walk out , specially in middle class. Sometimes after passing time they forgot about any door .

     
    • surindernath

      August 15, 2016 at 5:52 am

      Yes very true.

      In almost all Indian marriages, women are the balancing factor / partner.

      Thanks !!

       
  9. letsxplore

    August 16, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    Hello! More than believing in the institution of marriage I believe in the sanctity of marriage. A marriage never promises a bag full of happiness, laughter and good times! A couple needs to work on it! Only if both the partners are more keen on giving, loving, praising; nobody would want to escape the knot! The lovable knot!

     
  10. plutos

    August 17, 2016 at 11:27 pm

    I guess sometimes marriages are due to selfish reasons especially in India.That is why we have that 5-50% margin as mentioned in your blog. If something that is required to be achieved by a person, they would marry the person who makes them achieve it.

     
  11. theburningheart

    August 19, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    Interesting question, here in our Western culture marriage it’s all about romance, once married, well the Cinderella carriage turns back in to a pumpkin!
    We extol the idea of romantic love before marriage, and care little about the daily grinding of life as a married person all our stories like Cinderella end when the Prince discover who Cinderella is and marry her to be happy forever after, nice as a children story but not real, I just wrote a post about it on July 2016 titled LOVE IS REAL, ILLUSIONS ARE NOT, for those interested check it out.:-)

     
  12. dr sweetyshinde

    August 28, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    I chose not to get entrapped, b’cos that’s what my heart said. Luckily, my parents didn’t impose their will on me. A s for the rest, it’s a combi of convenience and social approval

     
    • surindernath

      August 28, 2016 at 1:19 pm

      To take a decision is divine and to be indecisive is otherwise. You took a decision and now, are happy about it….this is what matters !!

       
      • dr sweetyshinde

        August 28, 2016 at 1:52 pm

        Correct. To be content is all that matters. Wishing the married ones the same 🙂

         

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