Leak 1 -
Dr. Sardar S.M. Singh (Sleep – Mode Singh)
After accepting your tempting monetary advances, I know it too well that I cannot even pretend to be morally choosy. I must dish out the leaks like an ATM dishes out cash without prejudice and prioritizing. I should be, in the genre which I have chosen to be famous (or infamous to be more precise), be snappy about it and generally be emotionless and passionless about it, like the proverbial moving-finger which “writes and having writ moves on” but strangely, this moving-finger has got stuck in a fit or pang of morality here.
A very strange supernatural power (or should I say providential / divine-intervention but I think such powers don’t get mixed up in leaky matters) is stopping and forcing me to hand over the detailed exploits of that great sleep- walkers’ sleep-walker, the great ministers’ minister, the’ god- son’ of Hypnos and Endymion. I know it fully well that sleep-walking is an art – some are born sleep-walkers, some achieve it and some have sleep-walking thrust upon them like a ton of bricks. But these said three categories are ”this-worldly” whereas I am talking about a blessed soul whom Goddess Sleep, even before his birth, “marked him as her own” due to his noble deeds in his previous births.
By now, you must have guessed. Yes! Our great Sardar, Dr. SMS (Dr. Sleep-Mode Singh). He remains and shall remain the all time great sleep-walker, and these days, his name has become so much associated with “World -Peace and Sleep” that whenever he goes near the No Bells Prize Office or merely his name is mentioned in their premises, the young red carpets of their office undergo a bout of uncontrolled- blush and become redder with excitement and make a bee-line to the nearest beauty-parlor for a full crash course. Undoubtedly he excels and generally stands out, if he is ‘allowed to’ by his ‘high-heel command’ Madam SN Gandhi (Seldom Near Gandhi) as a great exponent of that divine and oblivious art of sleep-walking. Posterity, my dear Intelligentsia, shall twist their feet with envy (or even jealousy) when they would come to know that you and me rubbed shoulders and exchanged pillows with this genius sleep-walker. So when he was declared the chairman and the chief patron (in addition to being the chief executive of the club), he was unanimously hailed and accepted.
Besides having many good and virtuous qualities, his heart simply over-flows with the milk of human kindness. In his entire life he has never been accused of being discriminative or judicious. I have never seen and I bet you also have never seen ‘his stiff upper lip’ changing and becoming any less stiff. His colleagues have virtually exploded atom-bombs under his nose and chair and he “never let any word from his lippes fall”. Not only that. He even went further and crossed all human barriers and gave his colleagues ‘character certificates’. His ministers (like his ‘homely’ Pee See Chew Mum) look up to him after their colorful deeds and he never fails them. He is as ready as ever with his character-certificates. His attitude has always been ‘Ai-Raja-Tu-Bhi- lai-ja’.